Missed my last post? Read Part 1 where I discuss how often narcissists attach themselves to Highly Sensitive Women.
Now we look at the other end of the spectrum, opposite narcissists. Again from 10 years of experience working with Highly Sensitive Women (HSW) we normally have very good, pure, loving, giving hearts and personalities. A large percentage of us have been taught or learned that serving others as a woman is a most admirable quality. We are deeply maternal by nature, nurturing, people-pleasing individuals. We seem to possess a certain heart-light that may not be visible to everyone, but this light appears to work like a magnet for the narcissist; the proverbial moth to a flame. Due to the narcissist’s core wounds, they are in need of our heart-light and we are set up to deliver and share all of it that we can, and we do. I liken this light to a large candle flame. The narcissist seems to be void of their own internal flame and can instinctively sense that they can build their own flame by joining with ours.
Building the Narcissist’s Flame
Why does it seem that we sensitive women can build the narcissist’s flame so easily? We are there for them. We show up for them. We pick them up when they fall. We mirror back to them such admiration for their talents and their efforts. We love and support them in every area of their lives. We can and will ensure their success so that they feel good about themselves (the paradox of their original external superiority and thus paper-thin egos deep down). We go out of our way to not upset them so they can have their ideal life; walking on eggshells as so many of my clients have described it. We cater to them. We are the first to say we’re sorry after an argument or disagreement as we will do anything in our power to keep the peace that we need so desperately (due to our sensitive central nervous systems). We are very forgiving. We are prone to taking far more than 50% of the responsibility when something goes wrong (even if we know we are not to blame). Our issues and needs are put on the back burner as their issues seem so much more important. And he will make sure that the imbalance of priorities remains as it is.
The “Perfect” Match
Hence the match is made. The narcissist feels his ship has come in and he’ll do anything to keep the cargo-hold (ego) full on his vessel. The HSW feels she has found her calling, her soulmate, as he needs her so much and she can deliver the goods he needs. She can fix him! She can love and nurture him so wholeheartedly, fill his emptiness and heal his wounds and turn him back out to the world as a brilliant sculpture that she alone has chiseled. Perfect match … right?
Looking for more? On 7/20/2021 continue reading The HSP-Narcissist Magnet Part 3 where I discuss how Highly Sensitive Women give so much of their flame to a narcissist that they end up with only a flicker for themselves.